When Mr N asked me to marry him, I didn’t imagine our courtship would be so short. We weren’t one of those couples who dated for years before tying the knot. From the February day I said yes, it took only three months before we held our traditional wedding in May. Our engagement wasn’t the typical public spectacle you see on social media. There was no dramatic kneeling and proclamation of love; I accepted his proposal by text. There was no engagement ring from him either — I bought my own and wore it to signal that I was taken. It may sound unusual, but it felt right for us.
Mr N isn’t the kind of man to stage a grand proposal. He came into my life with a clear intention: he wanted to marry me. I felt the same. There was no need to pretend we were merely dating while waiting for an “official” proposal. The clarity made things simple, even if it left me wondering at times whether we were missing something.
With the constant pressure around weddings these days, I occasionally felt we had missed out. I wondered if my big day should have looked more like A’s or Y’s, or if my gown could have been more stylish — mine was sewn by Pa Emmanu, the tailor. Our wedding wouldn’t have been featured on a high-profile weddings column; it was modest and heartfelt rather than extravagant.
I have learned that you must appreciate the path you and your partner choose. You need to cut your wedding coat according to your size. Life piles expectations on couples: a dramatic proposal, an engagement party, a bridal shower, a pre-wedding photoshoot, and then a large wedding that everyone talks about. It’s easy to focus on the appearance of a wedding and neglect the real work of preparing for married life.
We skipped most of those modern rituals. Partly that’s because I’m not the sort to follow every trend, and partly because such customs aren’t intrinsic to our culture. We avoided the proposal spectacle, engagement party, and bridal shower, and moved straight to the traditional wedding. From acceptance to traditional vows, only three months passed; I was 21, turning 22.
In truth, our relationship wasn’t built on a few rushed weeks alone — we had known each other for about four years before marriage, even if we weren’t formally dating that whole time. Still, the formal courtship and wedding planning unfolded swiftly. Mr N began discussing marriage plans with my father the first few times he met him, and my dad invited his kinsmen to set the customary processes in motion. The speed was possible because Mr N could finance the arrangements. Had finances been different, we likely would have waited longer to prepare.
Despite the short official courtship, we made the most of our time together. We talked extensively about practical and important matters: how many children we each hoped for, where we would live, and how we would handle finances and family life. We revisited the restaurant where Mr N first asked me out; it remains a special place in our story. We spent time meeting and getting to know family members — Mr N met my relatives repeatedly, and I met his mother, brothers, and their wives.
We were physically affectionate in modest, meaningful ways: holding hands often, sharing small gestures of tenderness. As a conservative partner raised in the church, I worried about boundaries, but Mr N respected them and committed to abstaining from premarital sex. We also spoke with our pastor and consulted trusted mentors while planning the wedding, ensuring our choices aligned with our values.
That, in brief, was our courtship before we became husband and wife. If there’s one lesson I hope you take from our story, it’s this: tailor your wedding to your life and means. Don’t let societal pressure dictate every decision. Hire professionals or splurge only if it makes sense for you. Don’t go into debt to imitate someone else’s celebration. Be content with who you are and the resources you have.
Above all, put God at the center of your relationship if faith matters to you. Having God in my life and at the heart of our union has been the most sustaining factor for me. I’m grateful for His guidance from the very start of our relationship until now.
We’ve been married for over seven years and our life together keeps getting better. I hope our story encourages you to define a courtship and wedding that fit your values, finances, and future.
